


the one where elnor got himself a man-eating cat

by Boldlynyooming (arka_r)



Series: Picard Short Fics [1]
Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Elnor has exactly one brain cell and it dings around in his head, Gen, Give Elnor a Cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22964680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arka_r/pseuds/Boldlynyooming
Summary: Elnor didn’t quite know how he got into his current… predicament.
Series: Picard Short Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1650364
Comments: 14
Kudos: 59





	the one where elnor got himself a man-eating cat

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr prompt from perilsperil: Elnor being smothered by kittens, a la the "where's the babies" video on YouTube

Elnor didn’t quite know how he got into his current… predicament.

He had beamed down to the planetside, ignoring Picard’s plea not to come with him. The planet was dangerous, Picard had said. However, the  _ La Sirena _ needed some refined dilithium crystals, which was the sole reason why they made this stop. If the planet was truly dangerous, Elnor had argued, that was more the reason he had to go with the old man.

They were sitting cross-legged on the floor, while Picard talked to the locals, when Elnor noticed half a dozen little four-legged furred creatures shakily making their way toward him. They were small, really small — so small that one could fit in Elnor’s palm — with little triangle ears on the top of their head. 

“Admiral, look!” Elnor called the old man, just as the little creatures began to climb him as if he was a tree.

Picard looked confused, before he turned to face the purple-skinned locals. 

“You have  _ cats _ ?” he asked, perplexed.

“These are cats?” Elnor asked, delighted.

“We made contact with Humans two hundred years ago and one of the crew had these ferocious little creatures”, one of the locals answered. “We took a couple in, and trained them.”

“Trained them for what?” Picard asked. Elnor would have noticed the wariness in his voice had the cats not begun gnawing at him, their little teeth sinking into his skin.

“They are gnawing at me!” he told Picard excitedly. The locals were right — the cats were  _ ferocious _ , it was  _ adorable _ .

“Why, we trained them to attack and eat flesh, of course”, the local answered. “Now, hand over the latinums before the boy gets eaten alive.”

Picard cussed uncharacteristically.

—

“I’m just saying, that fight could have ended much quicker if  _ Elnor did not get distracted the whole time _ ”, Rios ranted once Picard and Elnor were back on  _ La Sirena _ . The EMH was applying dermal regenerator to the wounds all over Elnor’s arms and hands. At least they had stopped bleeding.

“I could not attack the cats”, Elnor admitted, wincing when a particularly nasty wound knitted itself back. “They are too adorable to kill.”

“Oh for—” Rios sighed and rubbed his face. “They are no longer cats — they’re  _ abomination _ , is what they are.”

Then, as if on cue, a squeaky mew could be heard. The bridge fell into silence.

“Elnor?” Picard broke the silence and glared at him.

“You  _ didn’t _ ”, Dr. Jurati said.

Elnor guiltily took out a cat from the folds of his robe. It still tried to gnaw at his finger, but Elnor had learned that it would stop from doing so when he rubbed the creature’s flank. The whole crew groaned, even Picard.

“Oh hell no”, Rios said. “Hell no! I don’t want any flesh-eating mutated kitten aboard  _ my _ ship. You throw that thing out of the airlock or  _ I’m doing it myself _ .”

“No! She’s mine!” Elnor cried out defensively and held the cat close to his chest. “I’m naming her Uan.” He rubbed his finger on the cat’s cheek and she closed her eyes as if she was enjoying the attention he gave her. “Isn’t she adorable?”

“In his defense, the Romulans have domesticated scarier creatures”, Soji said. “Like  _ warrigul _ .”

“Don’t give the kid ideas”, Raffi warned her.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm accepting prompts on [my tumblr](https://boldlynyooming.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
